Tag Archives: Endone

Chronic Pain Is Wearing Me Down But I Am A Warrior!



I like this quote.  As a person who suffers with chronic pain every day it feels real to me, I can really relate.

Every day I go to work and put a smile on my face when inside I am crying in pain.  Some days are worse than others but I have some level of pain every single day without a break.  It really starts to wear you down.  I often moan a bit at work, but my colleagues have no idea of the pain I am in every day.  I get up in the morning and put that brave face on and it stays there for the duration.

My partner is amazing, even when I am trying to put a smile on my face she knows when I’m not doing so well.  Like the quote says she must see it in my eyes.  Oh yes, the moaning out loud probably gives her a clue too!

I rely a lot on strong pain killers but do realise this shouldn’t be a long term solution.  I often try to find other solutions to my pain but giving myself a pep talk and practicing mindfulness doesn’t really cut it when I am laying there in agony.

I try to take it one day at a time.  I used to fret and worry about how long this illness would last but now I know that there is no value in that it just makes me depressed.  Now I just get through each day and relax in bed at night knowing I have conquered another day.

This morning I am sitting in a coffee shop enjoying a skinny cappuccino whilst writing this post.  A positive thing to come from this is the realisation that I am much stronger than I ever give myself credit for.  I don’t let my pain stop me doing things and I live a full and very happy life.  I am a warrior!


How Do You Cope With Chronic Pain?



Today I’m thinking about chronic pain and I was looking for some ways to cope with daily severe pain and I found the suggestions below on the American Psychological Association website.  I had a read and think that some of the ideas are very valid and would help with certain kinds of pain but it’s not really that helpful to me.  Scleritis is a type of all consuming, agonizing pain that just takes your breath away.

For example when I feel like someone is grinding broken glass into my eye with the heel of their boot it’s not really helpful to me to be thinking about taking up a hobby or telling myself that I am uncomfortable but working towards making a way to deal with it.  In that moment when I am in agony nothing helps, I just want to curl up into a ball, take some endone and forget about everything.  I can’t think when I am in that much pain, I can barely breathe let alone think about positive stuff.

One thing I would like which is suggested here would be to find a support group or forum.  Scleritis is pretty uncommon so there’s not really anything out there that I have found so far.  Found some old threads but nothing up to date.  I think it would help to speak to other people with the same illness and see how they cope with it.  I will keep searching and maybe start up a new thread and see what happens.

I have realised that there is a very big possibility that this could go on for years so I need to arm myself with as much information as I can get as if I have to deal with this hideous pain day in day out for years my mental health will suffer.  I need to find effective ways to cope fast.

For those interested the American Psychological Association offers the following tips on coping with chronic pain:

Manage your stress. Emotional and physical pain are closely related, and persistent pain can lead to increased levels of stress. Learning how to deal with your stress in healthy ways can position you to cope more effectively with your chronic pain. Eating well, getting plenty of sleep and engaging in approved physical activity are all positive ways for you to handle your stress and pain.

Talk to yourself constructively. Positive thinking is a powerful tool. By focusing on the improvements you are making (i.e., the pain is less today than yesterday or you feel better than you did a week ago) you can make a difference in your perceived comfort level. For example, instead of considering yourself powerless and thinking that you absolutely cannot deal with the pain, remind yourself that you are uncomfortable, but that you are working toward finding a healthy way to deal with it and living a productive and fulfilling life.

Become active and engaged. Distracting yourself from your pain by engaging in activities you enjoy will help you highlight the positive aspects of your life. Isolating yourself from others fosters a negative attitude and may increase your perception of your pain. Consider finding a hobby or a pastime that makes you feel good and helps you connect with family, friends or other people via your local community groups or the Internet.

Find support. Going through the daily struggle of your pain can be extremely trying, especially if you’re doing it alone. Reach out to other people who are in your same position and who can share and understand your highs and lows. Search the internet or your local community for support groups, which can reduce your burden by helping you understand that you’re not alone.

Consult a professional. If you continue to feel overwhelmed by chronic pain at a level that keeps you from performing your daily routine, you may want to talk with a mental health professional, such as a psychologist, who can help you handle the physical and psychological repercussions of your condition.

Chronic Scleritis is Miserable!



Scleritis has become a huge part of my life over the last 7 months; it has affected me on a daily basis, made me miserable and depressed, given me chronic pain and made me cry.  So what is scleritis?

Scleritis facts
* Scleritis is a chronic and painful inflammation of the white of the eye.
* It is a serious eye disease which is often associated with underlying autoimmune disorders.
* Prompt diagnosis and treatment is essential in preventing permanent vision loss

I have tested positive for the HLA-B27 gene, this means that I am predisposed to getting auto-immune diseases.  With bilateral (both eyes) scleritis there is generally an underlying cause.  The fact that I have had it for so long without resolution also indicates that there is something else going on.

It makes me doubt my diagnosis of fibromyalgia too because my widespread body pain has practically gone since I started taking Methotrexate.  I think next time I see my rheumatologist I am going to push him for a diagnosis. I really need to know what is going on.  It’s a shame that the Metho has fixed my body but not my eyes.

I have noticed over the last couple of days that my left eye is hazy, almost like I am looking through a fog.  This could be a complication of the scleritis but I am a bit concerned it is a result of the Avastin injection that I had a few weeks ago.  I googled side effects and cataract formation is one of them.  Great that’s all I need!  I’m seeing my eye doctor next week so will get it checked out then.

Work is a real struggle at the moment, it’s hard to get a productive days work done when you are battling pain and foggy eyes.  The only thing that is keeping me going at the moment is painkillers (keeping me sane too!).  I have been taking Panadeine Forte and saving the Endone for when it gets really tough and I can’t take it anymore.  The feeling of relief when those painkillers kick in is amazing.

I am going away for the weekend so I am looking forward to having some down time to chill out and relax.  My eyes will probably still be bad so I will still have the pain but I am hoping that being in a different environment doing something fun will take my mind off it and help me get through the weekend. At the moment I am taking one day at a time and just trying to get through as best I can. That’s all I can do.

Like the picture says “keep calm and smile on”.

The Grind of Chronic Daily Headaches



I get the same headache nearly every day, behind my right eye and right side of the head.  It feels like my brain is pulsating.  They feel like a mini version of the full on migraine that I occasionally get.   I could blame it on my recent eye problems and eye strain but I have been having chronic headaches for years.  The eye problems are not helping though, in fact my headaches have become worse over recent months.

I do have short stretches of time when I don’t have a headache, I can go for a week or so and think that things are going great and my headaches are over.  Then they hit me again and I will have a headache every day for a few weeks without any relief.  It’s like one giant headache just rolling over to the next day, then the next day, and so on.

Some of my headaches may be rebound headaches.  I am really careful about how much medication I take but when you have a non-stop headache for weeks at a time you just have to take something to get some relief from it.   I need pain relief from the scleritis too so I am also using painkillers for that.  I would say that I take painkillers on every day of the week.

As I have bipolar I have to be really careful to keep my mental health balanced to stay well but being in pain all day, every day makes this challenging sometimes.  At the moment I am feeling a little down, I am at the stage of being over it and just want it all to go away.  I was reading some papers on scleritis the other day and it can go on for years rather than weeks or months.  I think mine will be sticking around for a while. I have had it for nearly 7 months so it appears that it will be a long term problem in my case.  Oh joy that’s something to look forward to.

I’m really feeling cranky because I’m in pain but I still have to get up, go to work, somehow get through my day, come home and cook dinner etc. etc., you get the picture.  Some days I just want to stay tucked up in bed and let the world go on without me.  But I know that if I give in to the pain or the depression I will get worse.  I will have a full blown bipolar episode and be a complete maniac. That’s no fun for anyone.  My poor family suffers when I am feeling mentally unwell, luckily my partner is great so my nutty periods generally don’t last too long. 

I don’t really know what I can do to get through this apart from take painkillers and stay strong.  I must be a tough old bird because I get up and go to work every day no matter how bad I am feeling so that gives me the strength to go on.  I’m not ready to throw in the towel quite yet, I am going to win this fight.

Feeling Crappy & Bipolar


There’s that saying that there is always someone worse off than you.  Very true, but that thought really doesn’t make me feel any better when I am having a really crap day.  When I am feeling good it’s easy to have sympathy for orphans, neglected animals or disabled people, but today all I care about is me.

Why me? I’m thinking, I must have been a really hideous person in a previous life to be saddled with all of this crap.

My eye hurts, I can’t wear my contact lens so can only see out of one eye, I have a crazy headache and I really don’t want to be at work.

What can I do to soothe myself and feel a little better?

I’ll tell you what …. Prescription pain drugs.  Forget about the meditation, mindfulness and all that other self-help stuff, today I need the hard stuff.  I need to pop a pill and forget about it for a few hours.  I just want to feel normal, just for a bit, is that too much to ask?

That feeling of total and utter relief when I take a painkiller is amazing; all of the stress and pain just washes out of me.  Now I can get on with my work and lead a normal life.  Well kinda normal, I’m avoiding everyone in the office and walking around with my head down because I don’t want them to see my crazy eye, but apart from that it’s pretty normal.

I have conquered that roller coaster today, done the scary loop the loop and come out the other side.  Life is good!

p.s. pain meds should be taken as per your doctors instruction, be very careful that you follow those instructions properly.

Bipolar & Chronic Pain – Getting a Grip on it.



For 6 months now I have had chronic eye pain.  It’s really starting to wear me down and affect my mood and my quality of life is suffering.  As each day goes on I can feel myself getting more depressed and a whole lot crankier.  I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel, it’s going on and on with no end in sight.  Sometimes it is both eyes, sometimes just the left or the right, there is no pattern to it but it is always there nagging at me.

When you have normal moods it’s hard enough to deal with chronic pain day in and day out, so imagine how hard it is when you have mental health issues to deal with too.  It totally messes with your head.  As a person with bipolar and chronic pain I sometimes feel like I am losing the plot so I have been looking into ways to manage pain effectively to make life a little easier on myself and anyone else who may read this.

It’s not easy because the pain is there no matter what I do.  I can’t take endone (Oxycodone) permanently as my doctor will only prescribe them during a really severe flare up, so I ration them and use them only when I am feeling like I am not coping too well.

So what can I do to help myself to alleviate pain?


Take painkillers responsibly according to your doctor or pharmacists guidelines.  When you are in pain it is too easy to take more meds than the recommended dose in order to stop the pain.  Be mindful of how many you have taken and when the next dose is due.


Relaxation techniques can really help with pain relief by reducing muscle tension.  Sit in a quiet area and breathe deeply, keep your body relaxed and limp.  Play some soothing music or a relaxation CD or App that you can download from either the Apple store or the Google play store.  Don’t know how that will work with my eyes but relaxing has got to be good right.


Any activity that occupies your attention can be used for distraction.  This can be anything, watching TV, reading a book or a craft activity.  Doing an activity that you enjoy can help to divert your mind from the pain.

Cold or Heat Packs

Depending on the type of pain and its location cold or heat packs can be used to alleviate pain.  I’m definitely going to try a heat pack across my eyes to try and soothe the area.  I reckon that would be wonderfully relaxing.

If you are in pain like I am, try some of these techniques, one of them may just work.  As I have a very low pain threshold due to fibromyalgia I personally I go for the pain killers first to take the edge off of it and then do the relaxation secondary to the meds.  That works better for me rather than just going straight to the relaxation as I find it really difficult to relax when I am in a lot of pain.

Still riding that roller coaster!

The never ending misery called Scleritis



I thought having keratoconus was miserable. Having to wear contact lenses for extended periods, always having tired and strained eyes and struggling to get good vision on a daily basis.  Sounds pretty miserable hey.

Try having chronic scleritis, it is a total killer.  I’m going through my latest flare up and I feel absolutely horrible.  The Methotrexate has been amazing for my Fibromyalgia pain but hasn’t done much for the scleritis, so I’m back on 25mg Prednisone daily until I see the Rheumatologist again.

I am HLA-B27 positive which means I am predisposed to getting autoimmune diseases.  Scleritis falls into this category, alongside other inflammatory diseases such as Rheumatoid Arthritis and Ankylosing Spondylitis.

The pain of scleritis is intense; it consumes you until you can’t think about anything else.  It is a deep boring pain that just doesn’t let up.  It saps your energy and leaves you wrung out like a wet rag.  It has reduced my ability to concentrate and made me much less efficient at work.  I can’t take a heap of sick time off every time I get a flare up so I have to suck it up and get on with it.  Endone (Oxycodone) has become my friend.

It’s funny; people at work can’t even look me in the face when I am having a flare up.  Looking at me makes their eyes water and horrifies them.  My eyes do look pretty crook so I don’t really blame them, but it is kind of weird when someone is talking to you and looking everywhere but at you!

The scleritis seems to have made my right eye much more sensitive to wearing a lens, even when my eyes are good.  I spoke to my eye doctor yesterday about my options and he feels that my eyes are too far gone for either intacs or corneal crosslinking, so if I want to try and get better vision, and to have an easier time getting fitted for a lens or attempting to wear glasses the only option left is to have a corneal transplant.  I am seriously thinking about this but my eye doctor won’t even consider it until we get the scleritis under control.

Two eye doctors have recently examined my eyes in the absence of my own eye doctor and one thought I was fascinating and the other very complex!  Would rather just be normal!