Tag Archives: Anxiety

A New Boss – Very Nervous Today!

Standard

keep-calm-and-love-the-boss-12

I’m feeling very nervous about being at work this morning.  Last Friday my boss of 10 years left and I now have a new boss.  I don’t do change very easily, maybe because of my mental illness.  I am so full of anxiety this morning I could throw up.

I have met my new boss as we have had a handover period, he seems very nice but I know things are going to be very different.  Getting to know a new personality and having to work closely together, learning new tasks and different processes etc.

I know I can do the job so I have no idea why I feel so bad.  You know when you are so comfortable in your job it’s like a pair of comfy slippers; you know how to do things without even having to really think about it.  Don’t get me wrong I’m up for the challenge I am just feeling very very nervous!

Just writing this down is quite cathartic, it’s making me think about how I am feeling and is making me take a step back from my anxiety and do some breathing exercises so it was worth writing this. I have helped myself!

The boss is due in shortly, so let’s just see how we go, I am sure that we can make it work, I’m telling myself that change can sometimes be good!

A Very Traumatic Time!

Standard

image

Had my eye injections last week and it was the most traumatic procedure!  As I have mentioned before sometimes I can feel the injections because the anasthetic doesnt fully work due to the inflammation.

This time the pain relief didnt work at all.  The doctor stuck the needle in my eye and I nearly jumped off the bed, I was begging him to stop it was so intensly painful.  He was holding my head down so that I couldn’t move becuase I was in so much pain I was trying to move away from him, by this time I’m crying.  Not just grizzling but full on proper crying and I couldn’t stop.  The doctor felt terrible but not as half as bad as I felt!  I was so freaked out by it I cried all the way home in the car becuase I know I have to go through it again in 2 weeks and i’m really scared that its going to happen again.  I don’t think I could do that again.

I also got an injection just under the eye into the eye socket area and now I have a lovely shiner!

It sucks to have my eyes I really don’t want these injections but without them my vision will deteriorate and it’s bad enough already.  I can’t think about the next treatment or I will have anxiety for the next week.  I must have been a right bitch in a previous life to have to go through this now!  Maybe the next life will be better and I will be healthy, wealthy and gorgeous LOL

Adult Colouring Fun

Standard

image

I was thinking the other day that I must have been colouring for about 4 years now, way before it became popular and all the beautiful colouring books came out.

I now have a great collection of books and pens etc.  Colouring is so much fun and really relaxing.  Great for relieving stress and anxiety.

I have found though that as I am quite vision impaired I have to colour by torch light in order to see the lines which can make it difficult.

The good thing is, because my vision is bad I don’t see the bits I have missed or when I go outside the lines LOL   my colouring always looks perfect to me but to anyone else it probably looks like a 3 year old has done it!

This picture is from Millie Marotta’s Tropical Wonderland book.  It has some awesome pictures and the paper is nice and thick and good quality.

I’m off to do some colouring now…..

Bipolar Bear Is Camped Out On My Doorstep

Standard

image

The anxiety has eased up a little for now but I am still not feeling the best mentally.  The thought of my parents coming and staying with us for 3 weeks is taking its toll on my mental health.

I am really freaking out, what will I do with them for 3 weeks on my own (my partner can’t get time off).  That’s the crux of it, spending time with them on my own, the thought of that is doing my head in.  For some reason I am absolutely terrified.

3 weeks is a long time to have someone in your house, I am going to have to make sure that they are looked after, happy and enjoying themselves 24/7.  What if I need a break, some time on my own to recharge the batteries, to balance my mental health?

What will we talk about?  A lot of words can be spoken in 3 weeks, do I have enough to say to last me 3 weeks, usually I’m pretty quiet, more of a listener, are they going to be bored?  I’m going to be taking them for days out, where will we go?

All this stupid stuff is going round and round in my head, confusing me, making me stressed and anxious and making me dreading their visit.

Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait to see them it has been a long time and I can’t wait to hug my mum but I am really scared.

I see my psychologist a week before their visit and my psychiatrist two days before they get here so I will have some professional support leading up to it which is good but right now I am feeling a bit bipolar and very unbalanced, I don’t know how to cope with it.

Did some colouring last night to try and relax, these birds were going to be Robins but I decided to go a bit fancy with them, don’t know if birds like that really exist but I think they are pretty (says she who’s partner helps pick her clothes because she has no colour sense!).

Super Anxious Today 😟

Standard

image

I am having a terrible anxiety attack today, don’t know what’s caused it but I feel sick in my stomach with dread as though something bad is about to happen.  I can feel my heart thumping in my chest.  I can’t concentrate or focus on work so I have just taken a ten minute break to do some colouring to see if I can calm myself down.  Journaling usually helps too so I am hoping by writing this down it will help.

I hate having mental health problems, it is always there getting in the way, making me aware that I’m not normal.  It sucks big time.

I don’t have an anti-anxiety medication these days, my psych used to give me some but I became dependant on it so I weaned off and haven’t had any for several years.  Would be nice right now to have something to take to calm me down.  I do take Seroquel which is meant to help with anxiety and generally it does a good job but today it’s not helping much.

I hardly ever suffer with anxiety anymore because my meds are so well balanced so I am a little surprised I have it today. What’s going on?

Oh well, guess I need to suck it up and get on with my day I have work to do.  Think I am going to be the crazy colouring in lady today, roll on lunchtime!

A Visit From The Parents

Standard

image

My parents are coming over from the UK to visit in September. I have a fair bit of anxiety about the visit as I haven’t seen them in 12 years and our relationship was kind of estranged before that.

Over the last 18 months or so we have mended our relationship and get on really well, I am looking forward to their visit a lot but I am also really freaking out about it.

My partner who is wonderfully supportive knows I have anxiety about the visit so suggested that we take them away for a few nights so that we can all have a break and do the touristy thing together.  We have booked a gorgeous apartment with an ocean view so the old folk can sit on the balcony, read the paper, have brekky and admire the stunning Queensland Coast.

We decided on Caloundra as we both really like it there and it’s a great base to explore the Sunshine Coast.  We are staying here http://www.windwardpassage.com.au/ it looks great and I am really excited to be going away for a few days and showing my parents where I have been living for the past dozen years.

I am working hard to control my anxiety, mostly by colouring.  I am really enjoying colouring, I find it totally relaxing and when I am doing it I am not thinking about anything negative or scary.  Amazing how something so simple can be so effective.  Another stress releiving activity for me is reading, if I can lose myself in a good book, that’s it the anxiety is gone. 

So I am armed with my toolbox of anxiety busting remedies, all should be good!