I’m feeling very nervous about being at work this morning. Last Friday my boss of 10 years left and I now have a new boss. I don’t do change very easily, maybe because of my mental illness. I am so full of anxiety this morning I could throw up.
I have met my new boss as we have had a handover period, he seems very nice but I know things are going to be very different. Getting to know a new personality and having to work closely together, learning new tasks and different processes etc.
I know I can do the job so I have no idea why I feel so bad. You know when you are so comfortable in your job it’s like a pair of comfy slippers; you know how to do things without even having to really think about it. Don’t get me wrong I’m up for the challenge I am just feeling very very nervous!
Just writing this down is quite cathartic, it’s making me think about how I am feeling and is making me take a step back from my anxiety and do some breathing exercises so it was worth writing this. I have helped myself!
The boss is due in shortly, so let’s just see how we go, I am sure that we can make it work, I’m telling myself that change can sometimes be good!
I have been reading a really great series of books by Joy Ellis. I have only recently found her books by browsing through Amazon and I am so glad that I did, they are a great read.
I have been lucky enough to read her last two on Net Galley in exchange for a review; actually I am reading her current one Killer on The Fens right now and I’m really enjoying it. This book is currently 95 Cents on the Kindle store so it is well worth spending a Dollar to give this author a go.
The series is getting better as the books go on the characters are developing and forging relationships and as you get to know them the more you like them. The storylines are interesting and keep me engaged right through to the end of the book.
If you enjoy a mystery thriller I can recommend this author, all 4 have been a great read.
Last week my doctor changed me over from daily Azathioprine to weekly Methotrexate. I couldn’t stand the side effects any longer and it wasn’t really doing much to help my eyes.
I am on week 2 of the Methotrexate, I spend 3 days crook as a dog (the day I take it and 2 days after), horrible but I guess it’s better than the 7 days I felt ill on the Aza. It’s unfortunate I take it on Fridays because I spend all weekend feeling awful then I’m back to normal again for work on Monday …. Hmmmm that was a bit of bad planning!
I’m starting to wonder if my eyes will ever improve, it always seems to be one step forward and then two back. It will be 2 years in November that I have been battling the scleritis, can’t believe how quickly time flies. But it’s not good when you think about it, nearly 2 years and they are no closer to finding out the root cause and really my eyes haven’t improved that much either. I have days where they are so painful I can hardly stand it.
My doctor always calls me a medical mystery and his VIP patient as I’m there every fortnight for my treatment. I guess when you have something relatively rare happening in your body that they can’t solve you do become a bit of a medical mystery. I have seen a rheumatologist, and probably about 6 different eye specialists and I’m still suffering with vision loss and chronic daily pain. The next step is the immunologist; my eye doctor has written a referral so I will see what they have to say when I get my appointment through.
I guess I just need to keep going, keep my mental health well and hope that one day I get some definite answers and a solution to the problem. I think the key for me is staying well mentally, if i’m good in that department I can cope fairly well with the pain and the daily struggle to see. I’m really working hard not to fall down that slippery slope to depression, so far so good!
I am finding that I am spending more and more time blogging about colouring so I thought I should start a blog just for colouring and art supplies etc.
If you are interested you can find it here:
Would love it if you would come over and see what i’m doing!
I have two hobbies, colouring and reading, I adore them both. Had some treatment on my eye for my scleritis earlier in the week as I am having a very painful flare up. The whole right side of my head was throbbing.
Anyway i’m a bit too sore to colour and my vision isn’t that good this week either so i’m going to read. I would literally die if I couldnt read so lets hope I never go truly blind! I love my kindle so much, when i’m having bad vision I can make the text huge if I need so I can still read.
If i’m reading or colouring my wellbeing is good
I have a dilemma!
Colouring is really good for my wellbeing and mental health, it makes me happy and relaxed and I really enjoy it. As you know I have severe eye pain and vision problems which quite often make doing day to day tasks difficult.
My problem is do I colour on my really bad eye days to make myself feel better and risk ruining a picture that I have put everything into and really like or not colour on those days and potentially feel bad.
Over the last couple of weeks I have ruined two beautiful pictures that I spent hours and hours colouring because my eyes were bad and I was in pain. The pics turned out so awful I didn’t finish them. Doing this seems a waste of my time,
colouring book pages and supplies. Or is it just good therapy, good practice and don’t worry about what I produce?
I don’t know, I’m in two minds really, I colour for my wellbeing mostly, but I also colour to show my friends because I love it and am quite good at it and produce some good work. Showing my friends and IG followers makes me proud as
though I have achieved something, and it makes me feel very good to get compliments and comments, which is also good for my wellbeing.
I guess I need to take it one day at a time and gauge how bad I feel and how much I need to colour for therapy. I could keep a separate book for days that I just need to colour for my wellbeing so that I don’t mess up any more of my favourites.
I dunno, it’s complicated being me!
I saw this quote on Facebook this morning and liked it. The world sure would be a better place for it!
This is my latest pic from Intricate Ink Animals by Tim Jeffs.
It’s a beautiful hard cover colouring book with gorgeous pictures. I really enjoyed colouring this and I’m very happy with it. I used Faber Castell Polychromos.
Very true, I adore reading and getting sucked into a book. The feeling totally consumes you and transports you to a different place and time. I love how you can sit for hours engrossed in a book and it feels like minutes instead of hours!
How do you know when to stop buying art stuff? When do you have enough? There are so many gorgeous quality items out there that get me drooling, it’s kind of addictive!
Ok so I’m not an artist in the true sense of the word, I’m a colourist. I colour in other people’s beautiful art work. Do you think it’s a waste of money buying top end artists materials just for colouring? I don’t, I get so much pleasure from colouring, it keeps me mentally balanced and I really enjoy it. My colouring has improved immensely since I started buying artist quality materials. You really do get what you pay for!
So I currently have the full set of Caran D’ache Luminance and 40 Pablos, full set of Polychromos, full set of Prismacolors and the full set of Marco Renoirs. Ok I acknowledge that I have enough pencils LOL I really don’t think there are any more pencils that I want or need I have pretty much the major brands covered so I’m not even going to think about more pencils.
Now I’m thinking backgrounds. I have Ezyshaid and a set of Pebbles Chalks plus some soft pastels. In my last order from the art shop I got a pan pastel to try. Omg they are gorgeous, so soft and velvety and you can layer them up from really pale translucent to dark opaque. They feel like a really good quality product, but they are expensive. You really do get value for money though as a little goes a long way.
I think this will be my next purchase and then I can finally stop and just replace individual pencils as they run out.
I am so happy with all my materials; they give me a lot of pleasure. I work on the basis that reading and colouring are my only hobbies and I don’t drink or smoke so why not indulge myself with a nice quality item occasionally!