Welcome To My Pity Party

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I don’t feel like I am coping too well at the moment.  My eyes are painful, I’m struggling to see and I have a permanent headache.  I feel like I am at the end of my rope and can’t take much more.  Surely it has got to improve soon.

I am doing everything I can to cope with it.  I am getting up and going to work, I’m being as cheerful as I can be, I’m trying my hardest not to let it get me down, I’m doing everything I normally do but today I feel like I am failing.  I feel totally miserable and wish I was tucked up in bed at home on my own to wallow in self-pity.

Today I have a “poor me” attitude, why do I have all this shit it’s not fair.  I don’t mind taking my fair share of crap but I feel that the scales are not balanced at all, I seem to be getting more crap than the average person.

I want someone to give me a sympathetic pat on the back, make me a nice cup of coffee and to tell me it’s going to be alright.  That would be lovely.  I’m fed up with being strong and coping day in and day out.  I want to throw the towel in and say “that’s it you have won, you beat me” I want to curl up into a ball and sleep until it goes away.

But of course I can’t do that, I have commitments and obligations so yet again I have to drag myself out of bed, try to make myself look as normal as possible and just get on with it.  It is really hard to get through my days right now but I do it just like I always do because I have to.

I don’t have any special coping mechanism I cope because I have to it’s as simple as that.

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2 responses »

  1. It does sound like you are depressed. Don’t beleive these lies.. Sometimes, it seems like depression feels like an addiction. I don’t there is a lot of difference. For me, when I am depressed, I am addicted to passivity. Then, I move on to another addiction in an attempt to cover that void. But, none of these addictions are that great unless you have positive ones like exercise or writing. Sometimes talking works for me. But reading and writing are the best for me.

    Liked by 1 person

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